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Funny dating one liners

’ The device will work much better, if you turn it on. Success is like pregnancy – everyone congratulates you but they don’t know how many times you had to f**k to achieve it. This happens for everyone – when you don’t know how to spell a word, you think of a whole new sentence to avoid using it. The panic begins with the first one to say ‘Calm down! If you want to earn money with the help of Facebook – go to its settings, delete your account and start working.Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc.Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... It's obviously fake, everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola. Behind every girl’s selfie are approximately 43 nearly identical photos that just didn’t cut it. I hate when I'm about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror. I don't have a Facebook or Twitter account, so I just go around announcing out loud what I'm doing at random times... If someday we all go to prison for downloading music illegally, I hope they split us up by music genres. I accidentally broke my Irish friend's Pixar movie. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police. My room isn't dirty, I just have everything on display. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. You will never get out of it alive." -Elbert Hubbard "Always remember that you are absolutely unique.

By clicking on the thumbs-down button you can indicate that you dislike the one-liner. The difference between the up- and down-votes will be shown in the big box on the left of the vote-box.It doesn’t take Albert Einstein to figure out that everyone loves to laugh and hear some funny sayings every now and then, and your blog readers are no different.In fact, the genius himself had a quirky sense of humor. I’m not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?We are looking for all sorts of one-liners, quotes, sayings, proverbs, jokes and even puns, T-shirt one-liners and bumper stickers. To compile the TOP 100 funny one-liners we need your help. The vote-box contains a few numbers, a thumbs-up button and a thumbs-down button.We have added a voting-system throughout the site which allows simple thumbs-up-thumbs-down voting of the quotes. The biggest number to the left represents the absolute number of positive votes a one-liner got.Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.I'd like to hear your fun one liners...here's mine: I have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do you want fries with that? A day's work for a chicken, a lieftime commitment for a pig. If only God can judge us, then Santa has some explaining to do. He's an Italian plumber, created by Japanese people, who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican. Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of credit card payments. In about 20 years, the hardest thing our kids will have to do is find a username that isn't taken. Why do medications never have any good side effects? I wish you would eat some makeup so that you’re pretty on the inside too! I farted in the Apple store and everyone yelled at me. Virginity is like a soap bubble, one prick and it is gone. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. I love how people say they're "expecting" a baby, as if it might be something else, like a penguin. I wanted to get it for you, but then I realized it's my own reflection! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea, does that mean that one enjoys it? Boobs are just proof that men can focus on two things at once. Just once I'd like to read a medicine bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness" Some day when scientists discover the center of the universe, many people are going to be disappointed to find out it isn't them.

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